Nothing to Disclose
Hello Lovelies. It's been a bit since my last post, for which I apologize. I had some grand plans for the blog, and obviously those have not panned out.
As most of you are aware, I've had some bad luck over the past year and a half. I was hoping 2014 would be better, but it's actually continuing to plague me. As I've mentioned before, my Mother has Stage 4 inoperable Lung Cancer. Her oncologist can hold the tumor at bay, but it is not curable.
My Father has been losing weight and feeling fatigued for a few months. So his doctor did some tests and found he was anemic, and also sent him for a Colonoscopy. Imagine our shock when the Colonoscopy revealed that he has Colon Cancer.
So, where have I been? Trying to process the fact that both of my parents have Cancer. Now, before everyone starts in with the "It will all work out - don't worry" comments, let me just say that the first reaction the word Cancer is always fear. And no matter what reassurances are given, until that Cancer is dead and gone, fear will always be there, lurking in the shadows. It's always there, in the back of your mind, no matter how hard you try to "think positive" or just plain old ignore it. It doesn't go away.
I was already living with the fear of losing my mother. Now I have the added fear of losing my father as well. Both of my parents have a disease that kills. Period.
If I was having a hard time dealing with my Mom's Cancer, It has more than doubled with my Dad's diagnosis. And so has my responsibility. My father was primarily taking care of my Mom , and now he will be going through the same devastating treatments. It's my time to be there to take care of them both. I sincerely hope that all of you - from my beloved readers to the incredible ladies that have me swatch and share their polishes, all can understand that this blog, although beloved to me, is the least of all of my concerns right now. My parents have been there for me for my entire life, even when they should've turned their backs on me. You can bet your ass I'm going to be there for them every step of the way.
Do I plan to return? Of course I do. But right now, I have a lot on my shoulders. We're trying to get my Mom to M.D. Anderson in Texas to see if there if she is a candidate for the RFA treatment, which could help her greatly. I'll be the one taking her to Doctor's Appointments, Chemotherapy, and in for bloodwork (along with my Sister, I'm sure). Same with my dad. Not to mention the emotional hurricane that I'm trying to handle.
This is hard. My parents have always been larger than life and I guess I never really thought that anything would take them from me. I've never allowed myself to think of their mortality. Now it's staring me in the face, and I'm terrified. I'm scared, worried, and stressed out. I'm sure I'll manage it in time, but right now it's not going anywhere.
My Dad goes in for Surgery tomorrow. I'm hoping for a resection, but worst case would be a Colostomy. We still don't know what Stage the cancer is in - he's had PET Scans but we have not been advised of the results - he'll know tomorrow before Surgery. If it's gone to his lymph nodes, they'll take those out as well, and follow with chemotherapy. If it has spread to other organs, I have no idea what will happen next. The tumor is so large that is has almost completely blocked off his colon, so it's either been there a good while, or it's very aggressive. He's said he won't do chemotherapy after seeing what my mother has gone through over the past 14 months. I don't plan on letting him off the hook without a fight on that one, but dad is a tough nut to crack that way.
All of this on top of all the other crap that has happened, and you're left with one very down and somewhat anxious Kimber. I just don't have it in me to juggle to blog and the rest of life right now. I truly hope that you all understand, and can forgive me. The last thing I want is to give up blogging, but I need a hiatus to handle life. I need to be with my family. I hope you all stick around - I will be back. I can't say if it will be another week, 2 weeks, or a month. But I'll be back as soon as I can. I may even post once or twice before then. I just can't guarantee anything regular. Unless someone can find a way to add a good 10 hours to the days, then I just can't make any promises.I feel horrible about not being able to share the polishes that I have in my to be swatched bin just yet. I take this blog very seriously and the last thing I want to do is let anyone down. I have serious bloggers guilt going on. I probably shouldn't, but I do.
Anyway, just wanted to let you all know why I'm not around. Hopefully, I'll be back sooner rather than later.
Thanks for being here, and I'll see you all soon,
Nothing to Disclose