Nothing to Disclose
Hello fair readers! Before I get back to posting again, I wanted to share what has been going on with me, and why I have been MIA for so long. I like to keep you all in the loop as far as bits and pieces of my life, but I don't think I have ever divulged as much as I am about to.
My last post was on 1/4/14. I was feeling good, and thought things were starting to look up. Little did I know that the bomb was about to go off. At 2 am on 1/5/14, my husband informed me that he was moving out. I did not see this coming. I will not go into the how and why of it, suffice it to say that it was all fixable, but that hubby had decided not to even try. All of a sudden I was literally penniless, with 2 kids to support. I closed down my business on 12/31 due to lack of time on my part (and to be honest, the constant driving was really burning me out fast), and had literally no income. Panic set in big time.
I felt very betrayed. He told me that he had been planning on leaving since November, and had been looking at apartments and things behind my back. I felt stupid, because I didn't even suspect. And angry, because he didn't even bother to talk to me about what was bothering him. I convinced myself there was another woman (I have reasons that I won't go into here).
Mostly I was sad though. I didn't know why my hubby wasn't willing to even try to talk about things. But I'm stubborn, and had decided that since he had made his decision, I was just going to go on with my life and learn how to make it without him.
2 days later, hubby and I had managed to talk about things a bit (albeit by phone, since I couldn't handle being in the same room with him), and realized that we had never actually talked about any of the things that were bothering both of us, and without talking about it, there was no way either of us could reasonably expect any sort of change or improvement. We resolved to work things out, and he moved back in. And, I'll be honest, there was no other woman involved. He was actually sleeping on the freaking floor at a friend's place, and being stalked by a demon cat.
Sounds pretty straight forward, but the 2 days he was gone were horrible. My 3 year old son was inconsolable at times. I was in tears one minute and so angry I couldn't see straight the next. I had managed to pull things together and found some assistance for us, but I was functioning on pure adrenaline. I didn't sleep. i didn't eat. I was a wreck.
The first few weeks after hubby moved back in were still tense. I was on eggshells a lot. So was he. Hell, we're still adjusting, even now. Things are better than they have been in a LONG time, but it's been so long since we were able to let our issues go and just be ourselves, that it's kind of odd. Not to mention my constant fear that he's going to leave again. I'm working incredibly hard to have faith in him, and to get past my trust issues (That's another story altogether). So far so good.
A few days after all of this, my mother collapsed. As most of you know, Mom is battling Stage 4 inoperable lung cancer and has been going through chemotherapy for over a year now. On that day, she was standing at the kitchen counter talking to my dad, and she just fell over. On the way down, she hit her back on one of the barstools, and hit her head pretty hard on the back door. She was unconscious for a long time, and was in an altered state of consciousness for about an hour afterward. She didn't know what year it was, when she was born, where she was, etc. We were afraid that she had had a stroke. She was in the hospital for just under a week - they ran every test imaginable. Multiple CT Scans, MRI's, stress tests on her heart, brain scans, x-rays, blood work, ultrasounds. You name it, they ran it. Everything came back perfectly normal. They could not tell us what happened.
I had my own theory - that of Hypernatremia (basically too much salt in the bloodstream). Now her labs are showing altered Kidney function, which very well could be Hypernatremia. Who knows? But I digress....
Anyway, that event scared the bejeesus out of all of us, my Dad especially. He though he had lost her. Hell, we all did. Thankfully my mom is a fighter, and now she is back to normal. Well, as normal as one can be when fighting cancer. The general rule though, is that she is not allowed to be alone, since had her collapse happened when noone was around, she wouldn't be here today. Obviously I spent alot of time making sure she is okay, and often am on the phone with her for over an hour at a time.
On top of all of this, our one working car is being a complete POS. On Christmas Day, the darned thing broke down. Turned out to be the Master Cylinder (clutch was perfect - this is important later), and we had it replaced and thought all was well.
Oh no! Not so much, people! The clutch was acting weird for several days after I picked up the car. The engage point was way off, but I was told that may be due to replacing all the fluids and to give it a few days. Okay, no problem. And withing a few days, it did get better. But then it started driving weird. I noticed that when I shifted into 3rd gear, my engine would rev a little- like it wasn't getting any gas. But it wasn't doing it consistently, so I figured it may be a fluke due to the ultra-cold weather and the fact that Elvis (that's the car - my about to be fixed up Sunfire is named Priscilla to match) hates the cold.
Of course, it could not be that simple! Elvis started doing the revving thing with every gear change, and the point where the clutch engages kept getting further and further out. All in a span of about a day.
So now Elvis is going back to the mechanic, but I've had trouble getting him there since I have managed to catch my yearly bout of Bronchitis. And it's been snowing, which means it's icy and people here in New mexico do not know how to drive on snow and ice.
You would think my bad luck stops there, right? Of course not!
I keep breaking nails. So I'm back to nubs. Again. I cannot seem to keep any length at the moment. Every time I get near my car, I break a nail. So I'm babying them and oiling like mad (I admit, I slacked off with everything going on) and am determined to get my long, healthy, strong nails back.
But at the same time, I can't keep freaking out every time I break a nail. So I have decided to embrace my nails, no matter what the length. I love this community, but I feel like we put too much emphasis on how nubbins are bad....when they're not. Several bloggers have short nails, and they're awesome. The polish doesn't change due to nail length, and nail art is still nail art. Hopefully you all will embrace my nubbins when I sport them. :)
But wait! There's more!
My father has lost close to 20 lbs in 2 months and is now anemic. He has a colonoscopy coming up to find out what in the heck is going on. They figure he has a bleed somewhere, but he is afraid it's the C word. We also found out he has cataracts and has to have eye surgery next month. When my dad isn't doing well, I tend to be very down and afraid. My father has always been like Superman to me, so these new developments are really messing with me. When he was diagnosed with COPD a few years ago, I spent a few months freaking out, since my dad has always been healthy and strong. It literally hurts me to see him sick. I'm really hoping the powers that be watch over him and help him through this. And that it's not the C word.
As I mentioned before, Mom is going to Texas to MD Anderson to see about some newer treatment options. She is a candidate for a newer technique called RFA (radio frequency ablation) that uses radio waves to break down tumors and can actually lead to remission in cases like hers. I'm really hopeful about this trip, and pray that this works and she can be in actual remission. Right now she is as far into remission (classified as No Evidence of Disease, but the tumor is still technically there and they are unable to get her into full remission with chemo) as possible.
I'm sure there are smaller annoyances that I'm missing. But this is what has been keeping me away, in a nutshell. I'm coming back to posting tomorrow. I have alot of polish to share, and a new giveaway from an awesome new brand. I miss blogging, I miss all of you! I just hope you can understand my absence and my unpredictable blogging schedule while I'm handling everything that life keeps throwing at me. And that you embrace the nubbins!
Thanks for sticking with me, and for understanding that life happens. All too often we forget that the bloggers we love are actual people - sometimes with incredibly complex lives outside of their blogs.
Thanks for being here. I appreciate and adore you all!
Nothing to Disclose